My oldest is from my teenage years. She’s 8 years old. Full of sass, attitude, and questions. I raised her on my own for 6 years. Her father in and out as he pleased. Her Grandmother on his side stepped in when he stepped out. We were young when we had her, and his choices while young, much like my own, were not always the greatest. My mother abused her role in our lives. When we escaped that hell hole, I was solely on my own, despite previous efforts and supports from my older sister and my exboyfriend- father to my oldest.
It’s taken him and I 8 years to find a way to communicate like the other is a human being, let alone the opposing parent to our daughter. We still have days we cannot communicate in a mature, appropriate manner. This, I’m sure, will never change.
He has a house, girlfriend of 3+ years, a kitten, his car, etc. I have our house, our car, our cat and dog, our second daughter, my future husband, etc. We both have stable income from both adults in our homes. We both have college education successes. We both have several supports within our families. We both have stable lives… finally.
We also both have Kaeydence. A little girl who we both love dearly, but is currently dealing with a lot. Both her parents introduced her to their significant other within the same year. Both her parents made huge life changes and adjustments within the same time period. Both her parents just assumed she would understand and adapt with the changes. Both her parents were wrong to some degree….
She’s 8 years old. With a brand new little sister. Brand new step dad. Brand new step mom. She’s moved several times (no fault of her own). She’s lost friends, made friends, and lost some more. She’s changed schools to adapt. She’s been made to just understand and accept the new step parents in her lives with no say or choice in the matter. Luckily, she loves our spouses and doesn’t see major issues… other than she must share her parents with other peoples.
Despite EVERYTHING that has gone on in her life, she’s still intelligent, strong, independent, loving, caring, determined, and outgoing. She’s still bubbly and friendly, has an evil, adorable, unique laugh. A smile that shines an entire room. She can talk your ear off about documentaries and facts and random information that you would never think an 8 year old would listen to, let alone retain in her brain. She sees the good in people, before the bad. She gives second chances and she listens to others. She’s not afraid to cry when she’s sad, or laugh when she’s happy. She is a unique, innocent little human, who had a poor past. She’s endured more than most adults have in the first 5 years of her life. From abuse from her grandmother, loss of loved ones, being caught between two parents who couldnt see eye to eye, and losing on personal items because of floodings and moving and theft. Her personal space has been taken over by a sibling, she always asked for, but didn’t want to share her mom just yet.
I am proud of my daughter. I made mistakes, I made choices that got us in tough situations, and I made choices that got us out of them. I asked the wrong people for help, and ignored the right peoples advice. I am human. I was a child with a child, and no real support. Despite all that… She is growing up to be a pretty good child.
For now, I will leave it with that.