Rules when you have a newborn are very different compared to when you have older children. When guests come over, whether its friends or family, and your children are present, there is an unspoken expectation of certain behaviour that is to be present during their visit. Both from your children, and from the guests.
For non parents, this seems to sometimes be an issue. Sometimes people do not understand or realise due to not having to ever do that in their own home. So sometimes they need a few reminders during their first few visits. Normally, after a few reminders, they catch on and learn and carry that unspoken expectation onto others homes.
For parents, this expectation is supposed to be present without reminders. It’s suppose to be something that is an obvious, common sense behaviour. It’s extremely disappointing when people in general take advantage, disregard or over all just ignore the unspoken rule and need to be reminded and flat-out told about the expectation. However, it’s even more disappointing and disrespectful when it’s another parent who continuously ignores it. It’s even more so when they are outright told about the behaviour issues and are still ignored.
You’re probably sitting there going, what the hell is she carrying on about now? Or for those who know me “uh oh, who pissed her off this time?”. Well, I’m not going to directly name names, because the unspoken rule seems to be deemed not a thing in my house with a few certain people. But, hopefully if they read this, will see it upon themselves to learn it before the next time they come to my house.
Let me give you a little back up though and explain the unspoken rule (for those who don’t know) and explain how it is overly ignored in my home.
Unspoken Rule when you go to others homes who have small children:
(With only older children – This means school aged children).
- During weekdays (this includes Sunday), if you’re over past their bedtime, and the parents have put them into bed… kindly keep your voice to a minimum. I’m not saying completely shut up, but use a monotone volume. Don’t shout, scream, etc.
- Don’t ever question a parents house rule in front of the children! If you want to know their reasoning for a certain punishment, direction, comment, rule, etc. wait until the children are well out of ear shot. I’m sure the parents will be more understanding and less upset. However, asking in front of the children, teaches them to question the authority of their parents. YOU may not see this, but the children certainly do.
- If a parent says no to something to their child, don’t say yes. Do NOT wait until the back is turned either! Under ZERO circumstances do YOU hold ANY power in THEIR home over what that child can and cannot have or do.
- Be respectful.
- Watch your language – they will mimic what you say and do, even when you’re just a guest or a stranger. They are watching and learning from everyone who comes and goes in their lives.
- Do not bring your ‘high school’ drama into their home. It stresses and upsets the parents, in which case, whether or not its intentionally shown, the children will feel it, know it, and it will affect them. Don’t put your issues on others children – Don’t do it to your own either!
(With younger children – under 4 and Newborns).
- All rules above apply – and in this situation, no exceptions. No warnings, misunderstandings, etc. Under zero circumstances should you break them!
- DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES GO OVER WHILE SICK. By sick, I mean if you sniffled in the last 48 hours, cancel your plans to go over. I’m 99.9% sure the parents will understand! No one wants a sick newborn or a sick toddler, and they catch germs and bugs faster than they breath!
- If a child is sleeping, don’t go out of your way to wake them up! Don’t poke, yell, scream, decide to play the drums, etc. Even if the child is use to loudness, don’t go out of your way to be out of the usual noise.
Now, that you understand SOME of the unspoken rules (because yes, common sense says there are more… but these are the basics) lets add in the possibility of alcohol. Now, as adults, we should be able to handle a house party. When children are in the home, there is an unspoken rule that you know your limit. If you’re unaware of what that limit is, have a max of two drinks, to ensure your behaviour will not become unable to contain. Some of you judgemental people are sitting there going “Oh my Gosh! Who throws a house party with children present”. Let me explain to you my idea of a house party.
- A few drinks, games (beer pong, cards against humanity, card games, etc)
- and chit-chat.
- Less than 10 people.
- Adults! People who know their limits!
Also, you cannot sit there and seriously tell me you have NEVER had a glass of wine or a beer while your children are home… if you haven’t, please do the world a favour and pull your head out of your ass. You’re too uptight and need to experience the amazing world of a nice glass of wine after a long day of toddlers running around, children running in and out, cleaning up messes from both hubs and mini versions of you, and whatever else the world through at you on that Monday!
Anyways, back to the house party. If you happen to go over your limit, the moment you realise you MAY have had one too many, go to bed. Tell the host/hostess you need to lay down, and they will find you a quiet spot. Do not cause an issue! Not only is this common sense for a regular house party, this is even more important when children are in the house. Whether they are in bed or awake. It doesn’t matter if its 11 am or 11 pm… DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES CAUSE DRAMA!
Now reason for my long irritating, repetitive post. This past weekend, we experienced a situation like this. Now, there is a lot of back story. A typical boy and girl booty call, not dating, none of my business or anyone else business situation. However, that “none of anyone’s business” situation was dragged into my house. I had one drink, did the dishes and went to bed with my daughters. My spouse was having his birthday party (9 people in my house). Girl drank too much, wanted to go to my guest room to sleep with booty call boy, booty call boy said no as he was there for my spouse and not her, and she threw a temper tantrum, left my house drunk and started walking home (about a 2.5 hour walk from my house). After he followed her some of the way, decided he was too drunk and came back (smart boy). However, she called me upset he wouldn’t go drive her the rest of the way home (because he was drunk and I took his keys), so I went and got her (I am blessed to have a spouse who can hold his alcohol, and I wasn’t worried about leaving him home with the girls for the 15 minute drive to get her and come back). NOW, I would have gotten over it, except after I separated them and went to bed… she went to the guest room to ‘fix things’ and it’s none of my business… WELL, I’ll leave it at that. I’ll let your imaginations carry on the ending and why I’m so livid about the situation.
SO MANY UNSPOKEN RESPECT RULES WERE BROKEN HERE. With… or without children present. YOU DO NOT HAVE SEX IN SOMEONE ELSE’S HOUSE. If you are married, engaged or in a long-term relationship (1+ years) and staying at a relatives house for more than 3 nights… that okay. It’s reasonable… but not when you are in someone’s house for ONE NIGHT, and you are NOT WITH THIS PERSON, and AFTER YOU CAUSED SO MUCH DRAMA!
It’s so disrespectful on so many levels… He’s not a parent… so his misunderstanding of the rules is somewhat understanding. Shes a mom. Not so understanding. SO FUTURE REFERENCE FOR ALL YOU NON PARENTS/PART TIME PARENTS/PARENTS of the world… Do not repeat this situation in my home, or anyone else’s home… just don’t do it. Because when they tell you you’re no longer welcome in their home, it’s not just a threat or a warning, it means you crossed a line there is no coming back from. You just caused SO much stress for those parents who still need to get up the next morning and BE PARENTS. And for those who don’t know me… let me clue you in on something…
Me + limited sleep = NIGHTMARE! Do not put that on my children. Do not bring your drama into my house!
not that hard of a rule to understand and respect…
Alright, Rant over! 🙂 Enjoy your night ladies